Sad Ramblings

Today I miss you, more every day, tomorrow I will miss you... 

I wonder what you doing, who you with, whether you sad, whether you loving the freedom, whether you moving on. I wonder what your future holds, I wonder what my future holds, separate futures. 

I want to know if you have guilt, I want to know what you were thinking, I want to know if you loved me at all.

I need to speak, I need to be me, I've lost me, I've lost my listener, I've lost my soul and soulmate - I am lost. 

My day is empty, full at the same time, empty without meaning but full of loss and wonder and sorrow and heartache.

I don't sleep at night, yet I just want to curl up and switch off and sleep, I know it will not happen, again tonight, again tomorrow night. I just want to switch off.

I see people, face them, feel them, speak to them, few know my pain, few realize the hollow I am, few know I do not remember their existence. 

I eat - nothing. My heart beats - nothing. I breath - nothing. I drink - nothing. I speak - nothing. I cry - nothing. I laugh - nothing. Everything for - nothing.

The rain is suitable, my misery is tightly wound to me in my winter layers, the cold doesn't penetrate, the rain doesn't dampen me, I am soaked and frozen to the core by many a shed tear. 

I ask for a friend, yet I cant convey the need I have for them, they hear the real, not the depth, the deep depth. The friend I need is not attainable, the friend I crave, I chased away.